Post by: oldspice on August 24, 2007, 01:32:03 pm
Post by: naxos on August 24, 2007, 02:11:41 pm
"What are the symptoms?"
"A yellow cartoon family on TV"
Post by: oldspice on August 24, 2007, 02:26:09 pm
Post by: smurfboy on August 24, 2007, 02:42:31 pm
'Do you do this for every man you meet?' jokes the man.
The woman replies, 'only the ones who really catch my eye'.
Post by: oldspice on August 24, 2007, 03:25:18 pm
Two aerials meet on a roof and fall in love. they get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
Post by: smurfboy on August 24, 2007, 04:38:57 pm
'Are you lost too?' he asks him.
'Yes, I can't find my wife!' the second man replies.
'Me neither', says the first man. 'Let's look together. What does your wife look like?'
'Well, she's about 5ft 10 with long blonde hair and a 32DD bust', says the second man. 'What does yours look like?'
'Screw her', says the first man, 'let's just look for yours!'
Post by: loulou on August 27, 2007, 01:28:13 am
Post by: on August 28, 2007, 08:40:30 pm
They both have black coats, white collars and God help your backside if you get a dodgy one!!!
Post by: on August 28, 2007, 08:55:24 pm
I bought some Hp sauce yesterday. It's costing 6p a month for two years.
Post by: on August 29, 2007, 08:02:14 am
Mr Smith goes on a business trip to Blackpool and checks in to a Hotel. In the morning he comes down for breakfast. The landlady tells him of all the full breakfast selection but Mr Smith just wants a plate of baked beans. 'Just beans?', says the landlady. 'Yes please I love em', replies Smith.
The next morning after a busy day at the seminar he has the same thing again, just a big plate of baked beans. Later that day the police come to the hotel and inform the landlady that a Mr Smith has jumped from Blackpool tower to his death. 'Was he feeling depressed at all', asked the policeman.
Post by: oldspice on August 30, 2007, 08:47:49 pm
Post by: on August 30, 2007, 08:57:06 pm
A. 7
Post by: bluekitty on September 04, 2007, 10:21:10 am
Post by: wjp666 on September 05, 2007, 01:19:07 am
She caused such a ruckus the pilot, all the way up in the cockpit, overheard. Annoyed by the goings-on, the pilot came out and shouted, ''Be silent!''
There was pin-drop silence throughout the cabin as everybody looked at the blonde and the angry pilot.
The blonde stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, resumed shouting, ''OEING! OEING! OEING! OE.... ''
Post by: smurfboy on September 05, 2007, 02:58:14 pm
'Yoohoo!' she calls. 'How do I get to the other side?'
The second blonde rolls her eyes and says 'you silly thing - you are on the other side!'
Post by: loulou on September 06, 2007, 09:22:24 am
Post by: wjp666 on September 07, 2007, 02:07:35 pm
The guy at the counter is appalled. He questions the man on his actions, to which the man replies, "There are three things a man wants in life: 1. A big truck. You see that truck out there? Biggest damn truck in town; 2. A nice house. I got the nicest house in the county; and 3) A tight woman. Had me one of those too, until Fathead here came along..."
Post by: naxos on September 08, 2007, 04:33:29 pm
"Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing in
the street I just have to shout WAAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY, or WAAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..." "What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the Essex girl "I just use their surnames."
Post by: loulou on September 08, 2007, 07:39:02 pm
Post by: smurfboy on September 15, 2007, 11:44:57 am
Post by: loulou on November 23, 2007, 10:32:12 am
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son and went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband; but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," the blonde exclaimed. "I almost got caught yesterday."
Post by: loulou on December 16, 2007, 12:02:59 pm
Post by: smurfboy on December 17, 2007, 01:53:32 pm
High Barnet.
Post by: wjp666 on December 19, 2007, 03:33:02 pm
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?Snowflakes.What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?Jingle smellsWhat do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?Frostbite.
Post by: goldencup on January 10, 2008, 10:34:55 pm
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the
most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the
second. In the third everything had just been reduced to a fiver when her
cell phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had
just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU.
The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that
she'd be there as soon as possible. As she hung up she realized she was
leaving what was shaping up to be her best shopping day ever. She
decided to get in a couple more shops before heading to the hospital and
she ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a
cup of coffee and a beautiful slice of coffee cake compliments of the
last shop. She was jubilant. She then remembered her husband. Feeling
guilty, she dashed to the hospital where she saw the doctor in charge and
she asked about her husband's condition.
The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, "You went ahead and finished
your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself. While
you spent the past hours enjoying yourself, your husband has been
languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! But let me tell you -- it will
be more than likely the last shopping trip you ever take because for
the rest of his life he will require round the clock care. And you'll be his
care giver!
The woman, bowed down by guilt and shock, broke into loud sobs.
Patting her on the shoulder the lady doctor chuckled and said, "I'm
just pulling your leg. He's dead. What did you buy?"
Post by: MayRae on January 10, 2008, 11:23:20 pm
Oh....Oh Dear.........
WHERE did you find it goldencup?
Oh I laughed until I cried...
Thanks for sharing this..
Post by: goldencup on January 11, 2008, 08:00:21 am