-
I think it's time we had a new game to play. Let's try and write a story (chocolate related or not) but you can only contribute up to five words at a time. Please do not reply to your own posts. I'll start it off.
It was a heatwave
goldencup38903.701087963
-
so i put on my
-
g-string bikini with spots
-
and my pink flip flops
-
I went to the beach
-
to look for a man
-
And realised it was nudist
-
but found a dog
-
that looked lost
-
I bent to stroke him
-
and he growled at me
-
I jumped in shock and
-
dropped my ice lolly
-
A man appeared and asked
-
Why I wasn't naked
-
'I'm shy', I said, 'but
-
the dog is nude
-
and if you pay me
-
I'll whip 'em out
-
and make your eyes water
-
'You're not shy!' I giggled
-
"It's a python" he said.
-
'Does it spit poison?'
-
"no, it's made of chocolate"
-
'Let me have a lick!'
-
"Ughh, it's mouldy!"
-
'Damn, that ruddy salmonella!'
-
Moments later Bounty felt ill.
-
Ill got up and left.
-
The man stood alone, naked
-
the tide was coming in
-
Would his chocolate python melt?
-
He could see a ship
-
With an all female crew
-
which made him drool
-
Spit dripped onto his phython
-
More and more dripped until
-
it suddenly went flacid
kevvosa38902.5633912037
-
and melted into the sand.
-
and bubbled away
-
'My chocolate sword!', he cried
-
A bushel of crabs appeared
-
'Oh not again', he groaned
-
The crabs ran toward him
-
waving their pincers threateningly
-
In desperation, he grabbed a
-
couple of rocks
-
and threw them
-
at a passing bus
-
which crashed
-
into the crabs
-
and crushed them
-
Into the back seat.
-
"It's a smash and crab!"
-
take what you can
-
Said the man, laughing.
-
From the carnage there emerged
-
a new willy
-
'Hi, I'm Willy Smith'
-
the chocolate salesman
-
Can I interest you in
-
my wares?
-
'Can I nibble your Crunchie?'
-
or gobble your Double Decker?
-
'I don't do free samples'
-
"two-poon fifty", he said.
-
'Two and it's a deal!'
-
"I accept Visa " he said.
-
....but it's chip and pin'.
-
'Gosh, I've forgotten my PIN!'
-
'No PIN - No Crunchie, sorry!'
-
The man began to cry
-
But his attention was taken
-
by a sixthformer in uniform
-
'Hi', said the girl.
-
'Forget the Crunchie'
-
said the man.
-
'I know you'
-
Said the salesman, pulling off
-
His mask.
'Black Knight!'
-
Exclaimed Bounty.
-
"That's my daughter hands off!"minty38903.4120949074
-
'She looked old enough though!'
-
"Have you seen my Toblerone?"
-
Amendment to Rules of Story Game:
Please do not reply to your own posts!
-
I would have thought that was obvious - but apparently not to some...
-
"Have you seen my Toblerone?"
no, it's melted
-
This story game was not put here so certain people could talk about schoolgirls.
-
"Have you seen my Toblerone?"
no, it's melted
'I've got some CDM Almond...'
-
if you're a nut lover
-
'Is it salmonella free?'
-
"Semolina free?"
-
four, five, six, seven...
-
House!
-
At that moment in walked
-
His long-lost brother Dermot
-
''Dermot is it really you?!!!'
-
"Didn't my dress fool you?"
-
"No, I already knew"
-
"What about my implants?"
-
"I thought you'd gained weight"
-
'It's Dermotina now, not Dermot'.
-
Well congratulations Dermotina!
-
'I'm proud you're my sister'.
-
"But here's the big surprise..."
-
"I'm really your mother"
-
"With three breasts"
-
Have you got triple points?
-
"That's not a third breast"
-
What is it then?
-
It's a growth
-
Rub this. It grows too.
-
Don't say that to mummy.
-
Pinnochio started to cry.
-
but his tears were fake
-
The lying little bastard.
-
A wooden boy can't cry
-
but his nose can grow
-
longer the more he lies
-
Then, suddenly, he dropped dead.
-
'No!' cried Dermotina, collapsing in
-
a bowl of tapioca
-
'Damn, this dress is new!'
-
Dry clean, said the label
-
"I will sue Sketchley's"
-
All of a sudden, there
-
was a bang- sphincter collapsed Black-Knight38909.8872685185
-
"Nurse! nurse!"
-
My kingdom for a nurse.
-
"My planet for a schoolgirl."
-
Tell you what, I'll swap
-
said poshpaws
-
A schoolgirl for your Toblerone
-
Has she got triangular b's?
-
No, but she's cheap and
-
clean behind the ears
-
'It's a deal!' he cried
-
In walked Noel Edmonds.
-
"Posh paws!" he cried
-
and Cheggars.
-
He had a small toblerone.
-
as everyone seen on tv
-
"Big deal", said Edmonds
-
then his wig fell off
-
and run away with cheegers...
-
'Come back Wiggy!' yelled Noel
-
but it ran so fast
-
Noel burst into tears and
-
then prince phipple apper adn siad...
-
fell to the ground
-
then prince phipple apper adn siad
-
"Take me to yur ledra"
-
noel look strange at him, then suddley
-
He pulled out a Gotcha
-
and phipple siad " what the is thsi you **** weird Ginger ****ing , *****, I have done anything!"
-
How is that five words or less 623?
-
I never knwo its only 5 words or less!!

-
He pulled out a Gotcha
Blobbee, blobbee, blobbeeee!
-
'I see pink spots everywhere...'
-
oh god prince phipple is
-
'Dead! Quick, call the Queen!'
-
oh wait she suddnely dancing!
-
cos abba's on the radio.
-
so mr blobby & queen happly
-
Ran off into the sunset
-
and so King Blobby,
-
Took over the world
-
Leaving Prince Phipple stranded on
-
of adventure in at chestington
-
Which is worse than Peteborough
-
and full of bus lanes
-
"Yes, quick, stop the bus!"
-
so the queen can get
62305838911.8411689815
-
'A Prince, reduced to this!'
-
then suddley a cow jumped
-
Into the bus's path, causing
-
the driver to scream.
-
with laugerter!
-
He lost control, running into
-
A large cactus impaling the
-
a river of chocolate
-
A large cactus impaling the
Cow like a giant kebab
-
Moooo! yelled the cow..
-
and cover it with choclate ( - for oldspice)
62305838911.8580902778
-
Moooo! yelled the cow..
The conductor collapsed in shock
-
then barrymore reappered out nowwhere
-
"Anyone fancy as swim?!" he asked
-
The crowd rapidly dispersed
-
so the queen was plaesed
-
as punch
-
She celebrated by throwing a
-
corgi
loulou38911.8833449074
-
Up in the air, screaming
-
the cogie was do a
-
somersault.
-
and he was given
6.0 5.9 4.9 5.9 5.9 5.8
-
Passers-by threw coins
-
And applauded loudly
-
noel , wig, cheeger where shocked
-
By the appearance of a
-
Purple giraffe
-
do a tap dacne routenn
-
Then Bruce Forsyth turned up
-
Nice to see you to see you nice
-
5 WORDS ONLY!
-
only used 4 word syou never siad I can;t repeat them!
-
Don't try and get clever 623
-
Then Bruce Forsyth turned up
with anthea redfern
-
cleaver> i;m not cleaver

-
and ghoset the of
-
"only if you'll
-
and the ghoset of
-
william shatner!
-
Having died moments before in
-
an explosion of ridiculous proportions...
-
The ghost brought a message
-
" I am the ghost of...
-
Story game past...
-
"Beware of BK, he's a...
-
Cadbury spokesman in disguise!
-
not to mention..
-
The secret leader of
-
Gary Glitter's gang
-
Lock up the schoolgirls!
-
sang Bounty, tunelessly.
-
Then pop ideal van appred!
-
and out jumped
-
a black cat
-
" pussin boat my name, I 'll
-
..."spank your ass with sandpaper!"
-
his blushe, I never know
-
what's coming next with you.
-
All of a sudden
-
there was a crack
-
In the pavement. Out came
-
the man in the moon
-
and several black rats
-
'It's the apocalypse!' cried Mildred
-
"Yes dear" said George.
-
'And I never tasted canteloupe!'
-
"Or had rampant sex with..."
-
Barry Manillow! That nose suggests
-
"her name was lola, she..."
-
was a whore, like you!
-
"I'm a whore just because..."
-
The money's so good
-
"give me a tenner. i'll..."
-
be yours for the hour!
-
"Only an hour? I expected..."
-
'The whole night! For £15
-
"Well, here's the shocking part!"
-
my knickers are electrified.
-
"So are mine, baby!"
-
The spark of life!
-
Talk about sizzling sex...
-
Liar, liar, pants on fire!
-
Oh my god, you're right!
-
Hot stuff, baby.
-
Fetch an extinguisher! My bits
-
of
-
bum fluff have gone crunchy
-
Mildred fled the scene, disgusted.
-
"Chocolate! chocolate! my fortune for ...
-
A Cabana! Or failing that...
-
a good stiff
-
Bicerin!' To a resounding silence
-
she fell on her knees
-
And prayed to Reverend Moon
-
for Five Boys
-
Take That preferably!
-
And she did.
-
But she got Boyzone instead.
-
"life's a bitch" she yelled
-
And then she died.
-
It was sometime later when
-
Her corpse was found by
-
Noel, queen, Mr blooy, Slaper, adn
-
devoured voraciously.
-
who! , as there look inquestaily
-
'I wish I'd stayed home'
-
siad the cat and
-
licked itself.
-
It had a fur ball
-
Up its arse
-
which was quite painful, causing
-
Projectile vomiting, covering the crowd
-
Who swooned in disgust and
-
started dancing the jive
-
To applause from passers by
-
who then began to cry
-
As rain fell from the sky
-
along with meat pies
-
In the distance, a scream
-
"Please, not in my face!"
-
as msytrarou glow start getting
-
bigger and hotter
-
adn people become aroused ((((((men going pin/ up))))))
-
and then it rained
-
cats and dogs
-
until suddenly
-
so, off to blayshagme ave
-
on the 47 bus
-
when there avrrived, got 69's
-
from mr whippy
-
with lot of sacey act
-
and frogs juice
-
so back to our story........
-
And they all lived happily...
-
in a paper bag
-
Because the vinegar bottle broke
-
because there got wisp stings
-
the paper bag tore, however.
-
the vinger stop, wisp pain..
-
it was a misspelling bee
-
but the uions weren;t happy!
-
they started a picket line
-
dance
-
singin, shwing to your left....
-
Do the Hillbilly Rock...
-
stick a chicken in the air....
-
and climb every mountain
-
sudduntly.... nijar monkeys burst in
-
armed with ketchup bottles
-
and bedsocks
-
'This is war!' they cried
-
we demand all your.,..
-
Chocolate and nubile virgins
-
"Oh no! Not the bedsocks!"
-
as well, as ther look
-
"nubile virgins to the left...
-
Dirty whores to the right!
-
piggies in the middle
-
We'll burn fatties for fuel!
-
a a raosting fire!
-
'We surrender!' cried George, cowering
-
monkey No relation to bobo! ( micheal jackson Ex monkey)
-
"I'm forever blowing bubbles" he sang
-
thats my act siad - queen!
-
"Off with their heads!"
-
I need a good laugh!
-
Get out your tickling stick!
-
and swat a Diddy Man
-
Buy a tattie, missus?
-
"ayeup mother, put'em away!"
-
A penis? No! Happiness.
-
and the story deepens....
-
whilst the plot thickens.
-
Susan, Dick and Bella recoiled ..
-
as one would have expected.
-
there was more to follow.....
-
as Dick, Susan and Bella ..
-
sundduntly and very cuniunly
-
opened a box of crackerjack
-
which continad a dealdy
-
rancid fart instead of popcorn
-
which instaely made everyone start
-
to sing for joy
-
of the queen beening
-
"Of the the queen bee ning"'
'Ning no more', said...
-
suddenly, everyone was talking bollocks...
-
but enjoying it nevertheless
-
and lived happily ever after.
THE END
Shall we start again?
-
"Oh no cried Bounty, we've..."
-
...run out of funny quips!"
-
and lived happily ever after.
THE END
Shall we start again?
Yes please 
-
Once, in the wilds of Essex,
-
Lived a mad old harridan
-
and her simple son Donny
-
Whom the villagers mocked
-
as there never had lasted
(( also what is an harridan]
-
Harridan - Vicious old woman
-
(( well this change my post then! )
ok let start with smufy last post
Who th e villeges mock::
----
as she never seen......
-
because of his love for
-
The beauty from the mill
-
whose name was Cabana
-
She never noticed poor Donny
-
an his freind jack Stud
-
Would always get the girls
-
until one unfortgatble eveing
-
When Cabana was stranded with
-
a monkey, telegraph-pole, whisk, and
-
an egg timer for luck
-
he and jack held hands
-
under the table
-
while having a sercet affair
-
A scandal that rocked town
-
but still jack saw girls..
-
He was riddled with disease
-
and the had something speical
-
up their sleeves
-
to get trid of it!
-
It was called Chocolate Claw
-
whihc eat all the deisae
-
apart from in his bum
-
which wil cause a hugh
-
a hole in his arse
-
and make his back ache
-
so his sister does all
-
the wiping
-
, so the village decied to
-
have a collection and buy
-
a new ring piece
-
from a factory in Israel
-
for someoen prince ablert
-
and mother theresa
-
spent her days pimping
-
in Knightsbridge along with
-
casrt of eastneder,
-
typically wendy richards wants to..
-
spin her self cheaply
-
and she is wearing
-
Lou Beale's shawl.
-
Along comes Mohammed Al fayed
-
boxer , but as she look
-
little willy popped out
-
from under her skirt
-
Ethel fainted.
-
Luckily wendy had smelling salts
-
he had grow quite big
-
it was Arthur's ashes!
-
from the allotment
-
or either cheap herbo tea!
-
Ethel slowly came around
-
with willy cuddling her
-
tears were in her eyes
-
and lump in her throat
-
She started to cough
-
up a hair ball
-
the size of a pig
-
tail, adn a strange goo
-
wendy got out a handkerchief
-
out pop a tiger!
-
she wiped it away
-
then another, apperd and a
-
giant porpoise from israel
-
got stuck between eaithal legs
-
her legs were wooden
-
so the rcaught fire
-
wendy fetched some water
-
she got a roasting
-
wendy threw on some potatoes
-
she never felt more alive"
-
then the harridan appeared
-
Pat sashayed into view.
-
then corrire flok turn up
-
expecting a party
-
but got grump villages instead
-
Victor Meldrew was the leader
-
along with Felicity Kendall
-
there had a baby called...
-
Hattie Jacques with ginger hair
-
Gillian McKeefer was the twinBlack-Knight38921.8025231482
-
so there complein about the
-
lack of farleys rusks
-
and WIne with cock in
-
Wine with cock in! 
-
all wine has cock in them
-
Gosh, I've missed them so far!
-
well how does the wine NOT FALL OUT THEN>
-
Hey, i'm new. This looks like a fun forum..may i join? Cherry.x
-
you all reald have

-
What a great name, Cherrybomb.
-
abruptly, the sound ceased
-
And in the distance
-
a solitary figure emerged
-
it was Shakin Stevens with
-
his fat unattractive wife
-
she was wearing a kaftan
-
To disguise her deformed breasts
-
that she had had enlarged
-
To keep Shaky from straying
-
unfortunately the op went wrong
-
And they turned bright purple
-
with yellow spots
-
She was offered a job
loulou38922.7738425926
-
That's 6 words.
-
Cut one out then.
-
She was offered a job
in the circus
-


But she preferred hiding in
-
the big tent with the
-
flap for her huge head
-
covered in curls
-
In a lovely dark green
-
tree far far away
-
In the enchanted forest
-
amongst the pixies and elves
-
Who thought her purple breasts
-
were giant mushrooms
-
For them to feast upon
-
but soon they realised
-
Her breasts tasted like
-
big fatty lumps of lard
-
but skary thourgh I'll lick
-
Eh?
-
big fatty lumps of lard
-
And switched back to nuts
-
for the nutritional value
-
Leaving Mrs Shaky to
-
sit alone in her tent
-
Bemoaning her breast bamboozlement
-
and listening to shaky sing
-
vicoter ( meldrew) was so shocked at
-
Where did Victor Meldrew come from?
-
behind the green door
-
what do you mean he coem with th villege's and that woman form "good life" and there had a baby, remember a few pages back he here with here and the corrie flok and some other people !
-
I must have missed a page!
-
vicoter ( meldrew) was so shocked at
the sight, he collapsed on
-
shaken wasn;t HAPPY and started
-
jumping up and down
-
like a monkey, the newspapers
-
were hot on the heels
-
of a jiuicy news story
-
about shakin and his wife
-
just like tommery sheredine!
-
-
LOOK HERE
-
It was a tearful event.
-
but great news story!
-
When the circus was over
-
but the woman wener't happy
-
Victor tried breakdancing
-
then he tried plate spinning
-
Margaret and Mrs Warboys despaired
-
THEN feliety adn Margert stried. ( as margert and feilty - one fomr GOOD LIFE both have kids to him for you info smufy )
-
as the plates smashed
-
YOUR hushy! then started to
-
devour his own head.
-
but stop when a Hunky
-
chunky almond intervened.
-
'A fruit and nut case!'
-
'you only get a hug...'
-
Marvewous said Frank Muir.
-
frank muirm he died there......
-
and they buried him quickly.
-
The celebrities all left immediately
-
leave the villege with tons....
-
of Fw**k Muiwisms.
-
what" siad one for them,
-
i didn't quite catch that
-
then a tv van appered
62305838924.9596412037
-
the back door opened and..
-
Jimmy Saville jumped out wearing
-
a pear of speedos
-
made of crimplene
-
in violent pink and purple
-
trimmed with black lace
-
A woman fainted in horror
-
she recognised them as hers
-
'Thief!' she cried, waving her
-
matching bra in the airloulou38925.6403935185
-
A burly policeman stepped forward
-
and grabbed the bra
-
'Exhibit A', he said, pushing
-
out his chest
-
and making a run at Jimmy
-
who jump on his powered
-
rocket, flying to the moon
-
the poilceman wasn't amused!
-
Nor was the woman, who
-
chase after him on her
-
Flying scooter made from cheese
-
sticks and cows farts
-
A crowd gathered to watch
-
as she started to go
-
purple in the face
-
along with the villege WHo
-
Feared the apocalypse was here
-
but actualy turn out to..
-
Be the dawn of Nirvana
-
AGAIN (looking unhapply) there all shouted!
-
It's the age of Aquarius!
-
No it not shouted jimmy..
-
'It's the age of Saville!'
-
well siad the policeman what..
-
Makes you think we care?
-
he was arrest by inspecter!
-
Closeau, who had arrived unexpectedly
-
and Mechilee from allo allo,
-
"Listen very carefully I'll say...."
-
this only once! the inspecter
-
said, before he was stopped
-
by Phyllis riding a space hopper
-
'Pip pip Inspector' she cried
-
then she vermeered to the left
-
the spirts but voka wa
-
exploded in her face
-
spacehopper went everywhere
-
and threw her into space
-
Phyliss screamed with fright
-
wishing she had some vermeer
-
but atleast she had bicerin
-
which would surely kill her
-
if she drank it all
-
so she took a sip
-
and then another and another
-
and began to feel ill
-
very depressed and suicidal
-
so she went online
-
and joined a chocolate forum
-
and posted her crap
-
for all to see and
-
she drank whilst typing
-
spilt vodka over the keyboard
-
anyways, the victor, insecepter, villiage's
-
all had the day off
-
cos there rid phyle form
-
they celebrated with champagne
-
and got drunk!
THE END
what GRATE STORY
( NEXT WEEK New story " jack, jill, the pill and the man next door")
who want to start the next on
-
but now for today new story Title, Humpy dumpty and claims dicert

anyways
one day in teh TAX que
-
a bald man
kevvosa38926.9225694444
-
in the Tax office que
-
a bald man



with No wigs anywherw
-
met a bald woman
-
who just won the Lotto
-
so they went to hers
-
but on the way there
-
she slipped on a banana
-
and fill into a comber!
-
and said "oh dear!"
-
Now that a dear pointing
-
with a walking stick
-
as the old lady help
-
pull her out
-
then, alvin Stardust appered
-
and said hello
-
remember the green cross code
-
He said wearing gimp suit.
-
he suit was quite rorealinmg
-
and something fell out
kevvosa38927.5480902778
-
"oh that quite big" (there both siad)
-
but suddenly it went flacid
-
that always happenbs"
-
and a raisin popped out
-
then a cat, sink, telegrapge-pole
-
until it exploded!
-
the suit that was,
-
which contained a package
-
ahh you a spy now (
-
with a secret apendage
-
and a shiny silver suitcase
-
with flashing lights on
-
and fitted with an alarm
-
that suddenly went off
-
when it rained
-
why alvin what happened>
-
and rain it did!
-
The alarm rang so loud
-
that the apendage exploded
-
all over the place
-
cream went everywhere
-
and the traffic all stopped
-
everyone got out
-
and ran for the hills
-
cas avlin strarted singing... Pretend...
-
so somenone shot him
-
'Is he dead?' cried
-
Phyllis Bermann, his wife
-
'I'm sorry Phyllis, but yes'.
-
then gunman SHOT HERE, HORAY
-
"I'll go drink some Vermeer"
-
phyliss's funeral was funny
-
espeical as aviln LIVED - buletpoft
-
He danced on Phyllis's grave
-
suddunlty her GHOST COME BACK
-
a glass in one hand
-
and a pip pip waaaaay
-
back into hell
-
quicky get that guy of tv!
-
to capture the moment
-
and we can make a mint!
-
on "you've been framed!"
-
and sell t-shirt aswell
-
they broadcast it on BBC1
-
so alvin started singing agiian
-
and Phyllis' ghost screamed
-
ther horror the horror
-
everyone ran away
-
and start bcouing on tarperlenes!
-
they went in the air
-
and did a summer
-
*sault and fell down
-
in amongst the dead men.
-
then the other 2 story
-
collapsed too
-
in to a black hole
-
which was extremely deep
-
but it ate them anyway
-
until they were no more.
-
and they exploded
-
into thin air like fairydust
-
but the fairys wern't happy!
-
so they beat them up
-
fairynuff he said
-
get out of here
-
or els I wil turn
-
into the Snow Queen!
-
or even wosre: debbei megue!
-
That's magic! He said.
-
said Staint paul the Holeness
-
Bob Holeness's brother.
-
But he never sodl E!
-
A,C and the numbers 1.....
-
yuo get of his holeness!
-
he started to cry
-
cas he want his nap!
-
and he had insomnia
-
cas by listerning to phyles
-
as did everyone else
-
so, there dieced to build
-
a gigantic statue of phillis!
-
but she died while in
-
a plastic bag
-
while getting transported there.
-
"never mind", said everybody.
-
BUT THEN a flying car
-
crash-landed right into...
-
them killing them ALL!
-
"what a shame", said everyone.
-
as ther ghost went to
-
hell, for an eternity suffering!
-
but god had aother ideas!
-
and made them all angels
-
Devil angle, where snet back
-
"bollocks!" shouted god angrily.
-
as she did wrong again.
-
he threw mud at her
-
But he missed, hitting
-
an apple tart!
-
that fell apart
-
THE END
NEXT week wronderful story: two shot guns, a weeding and funeul and a big bear!
but now our new story: here its
!
-
we need a freash start away form that woman
-
CHAPTER 1:
A UFO landed
-
in the middle of Cheshire
-
and the doors opened
-
Out came a family of
-
televsion sets, (cousin of edener! )

-
they made an announcement
-
well I never like that
-
said Mavis
-
are you sure? siad

-
suddenly Deputy Dawg appeared.
-
with a custard gun
-
Roobarb was riding along too
-
but he was saddle sore
-
so Hectoer put up with
-
a large aardvark
-
on his shoulder
-
with Zaza behide him
-
wearing a pink hat
-
also
behide HER
-
with a green bag
-
TH EDNER Cousion shouted
-
Mine's a
-
depaty dog said mine a..a..a.a.
-
a Kitkat !
-
and rubard just wanted cusrted!
-
suddenly, to everyone's horror
-
deputy dawg farted
-
"Hey musky!" He shouted.
-
"smell this"
-
"Foo-eee" Said Musky.
-
Musky felt sick. (I thought it was Mutley)
-
He was sick. (No, he's a muscrat? Sp?)
-
zeze fainted into heactor hands
-
and his head exploded.
-
blood splattered everywhere
-
Ze ze wil never get it
-
so he cried
-
But CHorlton apper and made
-
him a sandwich
-
Kev( ZE ZE ) is a sh efrom Heactoer shouse)
TURN ME BACK OAT ONCE
-
into a baguette
-
with boiled eggs
-
and a hint of rosemary.
-
and thym
-
Gentlemen please, said the barmaid.
-
just a cottin pick minture ( siad Deputy dog)
-
'This can't go on'.
-
and on and on.
-
so lets stop it
-
so CHortlon made everyone gidde ->( very happy andn laughing)
-
"Everyone out" shouted the barmaid
-
so gidde,drunk people stared
-
the barmaid picked up a..
-
pint glass and smashed it
-
over chorlton, he started fire
-
so she put him out
-
but he was to mush for
-
her, so someone had to...
-
Intervene by flashing her breasts
-
It was Florence.
-
At which point Bounty was
-
at the Billy Mill roundabout.
-
'Taxi!', yelled Bounty at a
-
Montego bar. Nope said the
-
lexicographer, for the last time
-
before Deputy Dawg said
-
uh ho! Vince, fetch my
-
seven-shooter.
-
The ensuing chaos led to
-
a pub in Whitley bay
-
Being burnt by angry villagers
-
because the tv was broke
-
And they missed Emmerdale
-
farms plane crash episode
-
'Will Annie live?' cried Theresa.
-
and what about amos?
-
'Quiet!' yelled the policeman, hovering
-
in his yellow helicopter
-
'You must leave. Head for...'
-
BOUNTY'S MANSION, HE HAS A bounty hunter38937.5396990741
-
bunker where you can hide
-
but then pig flew bye
-
smoking a cigar
-
bouty look diappionted
-
so he cried
-
but the villege started wearing
-
pink dresses and slippers
-
and started mud wrestling in
-
jelly, which smellt bad
-
cas teh green bananas
-
Had been poisoned by evil
-
So they called an exorcist
-
but he was out so....
-
his cleaner came instead
-
first she tried blech but
-
it wouldn't work so she
-
used a bottle of vodka
-
Which failed, but made things
-
much more fun!
-
With everyone pissed, the cleaner
-
drank her mop bucket dry
-
Before collapsing, clutching her chest
-
into the hands of
-
A butch lesbian called Basher
-
who was also completly smashed.
-
Their drunkeness lead to sex
-
in Hector's house.
-
Zi-zi look at heacter and
-
said, sit on this!
-
watch out for the hamster
-
Zi-zi look disapointed!
-
That's no hamster it's a
-
'Rat! Quick, call pest control!'
-
but He was to smashed
-
and ordered pizza by mistake.
-
Rats overran the place, but
-
Edan Had returned!
-
and choked on pizza Black-Knight38937.9016435185
-
Eugh! an Anchovy cried Darren
-
'Damn, I wanted a slice'
-
But Heatoer was to busy
-
To care. She ran from
-
the Bush see was licking
-
To a new life abroad
-
where the berry taste better
-
and the birds sang sweetly
-
of fresh rat and pizza.
-
GRass is much greener
-
when fertiliser is applied.
-
Meanwhile, back at the pub
-
The postman run in shouting
-
'It's here! At last we
-
don;t have to wiat anymore!
-
the French letter's arrived.
-
The town twinning is approved!
-
so let's celebrate!
-
With a trip to Lyon!
-
and drinks all round
-
Send the bill to
-
Tony Blair
-
In revenge for the tests
-
barman resuesd as, still SMased!
-
So the landlord sacked him
-
and empoyed Mr crabs
-
Who suggested topless barmaids
-
adn Naked men ( he had a equla sex pat)
-
The pub's profits soared overnight
-
but with all the drunks
-
The place lost its charm
-
but the Money keep rolling
-
in, until the landlord decided
-
to execute the karaoke singers
-
for singing 'i will survive'
-
again and again and again
-
'That's even worse than 'Angels'!'
-
the police arrived
-
And opened fire
-
on everyone except
-
The granny in the corner
-
who had a walking stick
-
Which housed a hidden camera
-
But she hit the police
-
As she worked for criminals
-
and took photos of them
-
doing the hokey-cokey!
-
So police run away in
62305838938.8771296296
-
a haze of confusion.
-
with spons and butterflys
-
Unaware a bomb ticked away
-
FULL of Jelly and peguins !
62305838938.982962963
-
Just as it exploded, a
-
slitlay disarounted Strawberry mouse
-
Sorry, I've tried but I have absolutely no idea what that says!
-
slitlay disarounted Strawberry mouse
A slightly disanointed Strawberry mouse
-
Appeared through the skylight
-
waving ham sandwichtes with water
-
Menancingly, screaming for vengance
-
greak sware words with inaddequit
-
hand gestures
-
of a man with no head
-
but twelve arms
kevvosa38939.7764351852
-
and four eyes
-
who liked his wine
-
women and song
-
he danced the night away
-
in his glittery boogie pants
-
with flashing lights attached
-
to the waistband and hems
-
he did the funky chicken
-
and YMCA
-
but the Bomd Expslioned sending
-
623 into the air
-
and sending his body everywhere
-
all of a sudden
-
police appered aressting eveyone
-
"ello ello ello" said one
-
while smashing a bottle over
-
the late beatle george harrison
-
walked in naked
-
swinging a pink umbrella
-
and holding a pistol
-
'I shall have vengance!'
-
he screamed
-
giving himself laryngitis
-
so he went to hospital
-
and seen a mexican doctor
-
In a big sombrero
-
sipping cocktails
-
"Olay down pleeese" said Doctor
-
'Like hell!' snapped George, punching
-
Mildred on the nose.
-
Gerogre fumbeld her happley as
-
Molly Sugden shouted
-
I rip that thing right
-
out Mr Peacock!
-
as Mr grange look dozys
-
You've all done very well
-
george, mrs scombe,doctor, looked
-
at mr grace's secretarys legs
-
AND THEN, IN WALKED...
-
a pink kangoroo Moter car2
-
followed quickly by...
-
a man in a plum hat
-
tha man shrugged, and said:
-
see that sheved camal outside
-
"well, his name is timmy..."
-
and want a good hump!
62305838941.0094675926
-
"so form an orderly line."
-
as his old one was
-
not very orderly at all.
-
The plum hat man
-
revealed it was actually mauve
-
though often mistaken for lilac
-
and magenta, to the colourblind
-
on a dark night
-
The hat was magic, with
-
a rabbit cunningly concealed inside
-
doves concealed in the brim
-
paul daniels in the seamswjp66638941.0924768519
-
and debbie maghee on top loulou38941.0938425926
-
"Yay! debbie mcghee on top!"
-
'I like - not a lot!'
-
siad the barman lok confused
-
and Debbie's wig fell off
-
underneath was head full of
-
scabs and headlice with legs
-
and eveil snaks!!! that silved
-
in and out of her...
-
face, so the wig screw
-
fell out. She was bald!
-
"oh my hair" cried Debbie
-
paul started laughing histicaley
-
then had a heart attack
-
but god sent him to
-
Hell, as penance for his
-
really bad tricks with rabbits
-
he liked it. Not a
-
Lot but he liked it
-
And then they all died.
-
THE END?
-
you would think so BUT..
-
YES.
-
THE END!!
next week story se Rose and jom visting the Soical office to foudn out what happened to there Gios, and ther CSA cheak
that: Jim, Rosey, and a SAd git in a office
( NO OFFECN SM WHO A HAPPY PEROSN! )
But now our NEW story!
in a local supermarket, where.....
-
The staff were all thieves
-
and shopper have gubs
-
worked a woman called phyliss
-
who had tape worms.
-
She went to the doctor
-
Who shot and missed
-
dam said the nusre who
-
gave her an enema, anyway
-
but docoter already killed himslef
-
with an overdose of bicerin
-
Phyllis's tapeworm ate her insides
-
then started on the outside
-
but it died of boredum
-
Leaving a gooey mess behind
-
Along came the hospital porter
-
Who mopped up the remains
-
with his vileda squeasy mop
-
Unfortunately, he became infected with
-
bicerinitis in his left leg
-
There is only one cure
-
amputate from the knee
-
But the doctor was busy
-
so the porter fetched a
-
blunt breadknife and attempted to
-
cut off his own leg
-
But the severe bleeding caused
-
a mess on the floor
-
Which meant another porter was
-
forced to use the mop
-
Spreading the infection further
-
through the hospital kitchen
-
And causing a Bicerinitis epidemic
-
amongst the lasagne and chips
-
scoffing visitors in the canteen
-
until they turned green and
-
collapsed in agony, causing panic
-
to break in the locker rooms
-
As doctors and nurses fell
-
over one another
-
to help patients or escape
-
out of the fire exit
-
depending on their morals and
-
their height , weight and age
-
In the crush there was
-
a collapse of floorboards
-
and the hospital sunk into
-
the sea
-
'Swim for it!' yelled
-
Phyliss and the porter
-
Whose severed leg dropped off
-
and sunk
-
hitting a mermaid on the
-
back of her tail
-
'Ouch!', she cried, indignantly turning
-
her radio off
-
and hitting the porter with
-
.
62305838944.8338888889
-
and hitting the porter with
with her crocodile skin handbag
-
hit a home run ball
-
and screamed
-
kitkat for NONE!
-
Out of the blue...
-
Her mind having been damaged
-
she believed she was human
-
with a big brain
-
but was actuly a train
-
The sister of Thomas
-
and daughter of Ivor
-
Her engine was dodgy but
-
it keep chuging away
-
as long as she oiled
-
And stayed well lubricated
-
but some of her part
-
Had rusted through lack of use
-
but she hoped to get
-
A good servicing soon
-
as the driver keep scewing
-
up when he drove her
-
up the hill
-
wild for a ride down
-
the hill again
-
Every day until he got
-
what he wanted from her
-
then he scraped her for
-
headlice?
-
I think that was supposed to say scrapped.
-
oh
scrapped her for
a newer model
-
she lied laying in a
-
Scrapyard, with a tramp living
-
off food from m&s skips
-
with chocolate pudding galore
-
and a monkey as a
-
waiter, chauffeur and valet
-
who drinks champagne
-
and get drink every summer
-
then goes to Spain
-
with a spanish waitress
-
who could dance like
-
a old sheep dog
-
Anyway, the monkey said:
-
I no speakee the eing..glish
-
"apart from when I'm drunk"
-
But he was lying
-
because he just spoke english
-
And held a doctorate in
-
althourgh he does know sweedish!
-
-
smufy he know how yo speak sweedish
-
But it doesn't make any sense - it doesn't relate to the previous post.
-
I see a double ing smufy!
And held a doctorate in
cock a lecke soup
-
Which proved fairly useless, as
-
she hated soup at all
-
And preferred prawn cocktail
-
are pizza cakes
-
with strawberry ice cream on
-
cracker, inside daisy the train
-
was doing her nails
-
a nice pink for sir
-
richard branson was visiting soon
-
on his New funnel firm
-
while listening to Madonna
kevvosa38949.4924537037
-
" touch for the realy first
-
on his new mp3 player
-
whcih he give to all
-
for free
-
his employees for xmas
-
and his dead custmoers aswell
-
why is he giving stuff to dead people?
-
cas it a great makerting ploy, plus it mean you have have one with you go to heavn or hell, althourhg I sumre it wil be reused but over 100 pepl eahc?>
-
and his dead custmoers aswell
but he ripped them off
-
by giving them damaged stock
-
so they all sued him
-
But the case was dismissed
-
because Richard said he had
-
a bribe for the judge
-
which was a free trip
-
in his balloon
-
for four people with champagne loulou38949.764375
-
But not Pol Roger
-
as that gives hiccups
-
And smells like Phyllis
-
which isn't nice
-
The judge took his mistress
-
to St. Tropez for a
-
dirty weekend in the balloon
-
with corned beef sandwiches
-
laced with class A drugs
-
so that he could
-
Seduce a local girl too
-
hoping he would be lucky
-
and getting som real action
-
Perhaps three in a bed
-
or even better...
-
Five on a speedboat
-
THEN
Jessica Fletcher
apppered
-
Which spelt the end for
-
frank dobson, stana half brother..
-
who wore a wig
-
made of horses hair
-
Stolen from Follyfoot Farm
-
in the west midlands
-
By an international hair thief
-
who worked for trevor sorbie
-
and moonlighted for Vidal Sassoon
-
with egg on his face
-
but lukaly never got MAD!
-
but he did get sad
-
and the laughing cow laiught
-
and sneezed with delight
-
for once in her life
-
Because her bladder was weak
-
but she wore tena lady
-
i thourgh tene aldy was for woman other isses>
anyway..
but the famre still milk
-
and the udder burst
-
Causing a massive flood
-
of chocolate milk
-
A delicious but deadly development
-
in the world of milk.
-
But not of silk
-
or cotton or leather
-
Whatever the weather
-
rain or shine
-
But then one day
-
a delveople brough everything and
-
built a mansion
-
which left all the drunks
-
under cement
-
which was an unfortunate turn
-
as the cemet was wet!
-
Fortunately they survived
-
to drink another day
-
local barmen WERE happy, so
-
lets have a few beers!
-
and a nudiest tent disco
-
with Pamela Anderson
-
and davind bent
-
but the tent exploded
-
and BRENT DIED, everyone Cheered!
-
When a naked flame
-
was found, the masked huter..
-
exposed his bits
-
To all and sundry
-
and put kechup on them
-
Which didn't attract much interest
-
From the naked rambler
-
Who preferred brown sauce
-
and a blue cheese
-
on the end
-
Of his plate
-
he stuck a fork in
-
his thigh by mistake
-
and squealed with the pain
-
then fainted on top of
-
a heap of fish
-
Heads and tails
-
but he really didn't mind
-
the smell as
-
he grew up amongst fishermen
-
who sang sea shanties
-
in a remote village
-
full of aliens
-
In drag and
-
with five green heads each
-
that explode when they laugh
-
at cheesy jokes
-
so someone told a joke
-
about the 5 headed
-
woman with purple hair who
-
looked like prince
-
philip in a wig
-
and margaret thatcher mask
-
and false teeth
-
not forgetting the glass eye and
-
glass of rum
-
With coke and ice and
-
a slice of lemon
-
coated in sugar
-
and hint of butter
-
He drank the rum..
-
and shot the duck
-
in the head
-
and it was full of
-
jelly
-
Sorry to interrupt the flow but how come this isn't sticky anymore?
UPDATE: Sorry, I've seen the other thread now.
smurfboy38958.5042361111
-
And so it begins again...
Once upon a time
-
in a forum far away
-
there was a young farmer
-
called Miranda
-
who had a big secret.
-
She wondered how long she could keep it to herself
-
until one day
-
the decision was made for her.
-
They found the body
-
behind the old mill
-
badly decomposed with multiple stab wounds
-
with an orange in his pocket
-
and a rose in his mouth.
-
and a gerbil running in and out of his
-
trumpet that lay beside him.
-
Miranda had just minutes to decide - should she run or face the truth?
-
She opened the cupboard and
-
instantly panicked.
-
she was out of branston pickle!
-
What could she do?
-
It was 2 am
-
and outside there was a full moon
-
and she could hear a strange howling
-
She really didn't fancy braving Tesco.
-
so she put mayonnaise on her sandwich instead.
-
Something scratched at the window
-
and then rang the doorbell.
-
She got the flea spray ready
-
and slowly, she reached for the knob
-
but all she could find was
-
a giant pair of
-
hairy balls in the doorway!
-
"errrrr....", she thought.
-
As she bent down
-
and sprayed them with the flea spray
-
"that's the last time i get iceland to deliver", she said.
-
She shut the door and
-
locked and bolted it.
-
Approaching her stannah stairlift she realised there was a power cut...
-
so she decided to use her 'Acme' teleporter instead
-
and, pressing a button, there was a flash
-
as her knickers fell down.
-
and she disappeared from her home
-
just to reappear in
-
a futuristic dystopia
-
where large machines had
-
not yet been invented
-
and everything was powered by
-
chocolate!
-
She looked at a huge
-
bar of dairy milk looming over here
-
and decided to
-
listen to some Bros on her walkman
-
because she couldn't afford an MP3 player.
-
As she pressed play
-
she heard the sound of
-
cliff richard
-
and screamed so loud that
-
she had a heart attack and died
-
and went to heaven where she met
-
Stephen Gateley from Boyzone
-
and decided to
-
join forces with him to destroy
-
the rest of Boyzone!
-
and take that.
-
BUT GOD Said...
-
hail satan!
-
Suddenly, a dimensional portal opened and out came
-
absolutely nothing! it was such a disappointment after such a build-up.
-
Then another dimensional portal opened up and
-
The tv crew from "THATS life" jumped out
-
with some funny shaped vegetables
-
Details plans of how to save the earth
-
which was useless because she wasn't on Earth!
-
and she couldn't see without her glasses anyway
-
Putting on her glasses she
-
suddenly realised they were useless - shed gone blind!
-
and deaf. and had lost all control of her bodily functions in general
-
She became awash in a river of effluence and
-
Suddenly, Bob monkhouse and god look confused at the current situltion
-
as did elvis and corey haim
-
Back on earth, while her body was being put to rest. Somewhere across town
-
big headed dolls were taking over
-
They had been infected by a virus from space and
-
Doc martin was trying to found a que on how to get rid of the virus from the evil doll.
-
But one of the dolls squashed him and
-
dr. kildare took over
-
who also got squashed and
-
dr. hook took over
-
doll tried to squash him but thanks to his trusted hook, it prick the doll and it run away.
-
Then reality crumbled and collapsed into itself leaving just silence...
-
and darkness...
-
Then Jeremy Beadle appear claming it was all a hoex
-
and they all lived happily ever after.
-
Amen.
-
fin
-
On Next week play hour .....
-
wjp will be reading...................
-
james and the giant peach!
-
Followed by Open Uni, with Oldspice
-
and jackanory with 623.